It’s so easy to focus all the attention for Thanksgiving on turkey, cranberries, and football. All my life, it has been my very favorite holiday. When I was young, my extended family would meet and share food, laughter and stories.

Now that an entire older generation of my family has died, none of the holidays feel the same and I’m thinking of ways to reclaim them in a new way.

One thing I’ve talked about for years is putting the THANKS back in Thanksgiving. I know that asking people around the table to tell what they are thankful for often brings dirty looks—people are embarrassed to share that kind of intimate information, especially in a group.

The funny thing is that it would probably be easy for any group to go around and say what they are NOT thankful for. I can picture a table of relatives and friends of all ages going around and saying:

Silly examples, but I hear strangers on an elevator say things like: What a gloomy day! Cold enough for you? Hot enough for you?

I love to compliment people on elevators: great tie; beautiful necklace you’re wearing; what a beautiful baby. I always get a smile, and I feel good and so do they. Recently, I saw a man on the street wearing an old faded t-shirt. When I got closer, I saw that the faces of all of the famous cartoon heroes were displayed on the shirt. I genuinely meant it when I said: What a cool shirt!

He thanked me and walked away. I wondered if that might have been the only nice thing that anyone said to him in quite awhile.

If you tend to be “hard-wired” for negative thinking, I know that tapping can help cut that wire (or at least get it frayed a little). I suggest starting with the negative. I sometimes tell my clients that they can complain all they want, as long as they tap while they do it. On each tapping point, they get to “awful-ize” their present situation. I encourage them to get very whiney and petty and exaggerate as much as they want. We’ll use the teenage “Nancy” as an example:

When Nancy runs out of things to complain about, I’d go back over the list with her and make it much worse:

Inevitably, as I encourage someone like Nancy to complain all she wants in more and more absurd ways, her mood would tend to lighten and she might even laugh at herself and say: You know, my family isn’t that bad.

Then, and only then, I might suggest a round of what you are grateful for. It wouldn’t work to start that way, but after fully venting the negative feelings, some more positive stuff tends to bubble up to the surface.

I discovered this by accident when I tried out a technique I developed called Revenge Tapping©. One client was so furious with her ex-husband that she couldn’t wait to tap on all the awful things she would do to him (in fantasy, of course). Surprisingly, after only one round of tapping on the fantasy of kicking him, spitting on him, and emptying out his bank account, she stopped and began to cry.

Suddenly, she felt very sorry for him and began to talk about the fact that he was a good father and very successful in his business. She started making excuses for his bad behavior and even remembered some times when she really loved him.

So, eat great food and hang out with good people on Thanksgiving and when you are alone, tap away all the negativity and tap on what you are grateful for: I’m grateful for the red and yellow leaves out my window; I’m grateful for hot fudge sundaes; I’m grateful for the cute things my friend’s grandson says; I’m grateful for friends who enjoy being silly; I’m grateful for friends who like me even when I don’t like myself; I’m grateful for puppies and kittens, etc.

If you can, take a gratitude break every day. It can be just a moment or two when you let go of all the things that “suck” in your life and celebrate the things (however small) that make you smile.

Happy November.

Blessings,

Kiya