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If you don’t like something, change it.
If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
Don’t complain.– Maya Angelou

Check out this website. The above quote from Maya Angelou was the inspiration for a simple idea that has been spreading around the world. Put a simple rubber bracelet (or rubber band) on your wrist, and follow these instructions:

1. Begin to wear the bracelet on either wrist.
2. When you find yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist and begin again.
3. If you hear someone else wearing a purple bracelet complain, it’s okay to point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm: BUT if you are going to do this, you must move your bracelet first! Because you are complaining about their complaining!
4. Stay with it. It will take many months to get to 21 consecutive days. The average is 4 to 8 months!

As usual, I realized that tapping would make the above process easier to follow, and potentially more successful. It is a variation on the method above, but I think there is always a better chance of changing a habit if I change the energy associated with the habit first.

So, try this. Do Step 1 and 2, with the added step of tapping after you change to the other wrist. For example, if I catch myself complaining about the cold weather out loud, I would switch to the other wrist and immediately start tapping:

The last part is a technique I learned from one of the original EFT Masters, Carol Look. She discovered that it sometimes helps to tap back and forth with the conflict involved in giving up a bad habit. If I say on one tapping point: I really want to stop smoking…, I can say on the next tapping point: No, I don’t! and then on the following point: Yes, I do!

I find it useful sometimes to totally acknowledge the ambivalence.

If you would like to try this challenge with me, put a simple bracelet or a rubber band on your wrist and see if you can last a number of days without complaining, criticizing or gossiping. It isn’t easy. It took me a very long time to get past one day! As soon as you switch wrists, you are back to Day 1. There is free “Complaint Free World Widget” that you can download on your computer to help you keep track.

Please e-mail me and tell me how you are doing with this challenge: kiya@eft-tap.com.

Happy New Year,

Kiya

Dear Tapper,

It’s that time of year again: lots of parties, family get-togethers, decorations and good cheer–or not! In my experience, I find a lot more people who are stressed out during this holiday season than people who are joyful about it.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the eagerness and anticipation of a child in relation to this time of year? I wish that for you, and everyone you love.

If you’d like to give a special gift to someone who could use an “emotional massage,” why not give them an EFT telephone or SKYPE session with me? You can purchase gift certificates for yourself and others at the special rate of “2-for-1.” Call or e-mail me to reserve your gift certificates and I will mail or e-mail a certificate to anyone in the world. My usual fee for a phone session is $130 per hour, but you can buy as many certificates as you wish (before January 1, 2012) for $65 a piece.

Concentrate on what’s good in your life, and tap away the rest. May this holiday be truly merry for you.

Blessings,

Kiya

Everything that happens in your life today will either appear negative or positive. Keep in mind whatever happens must have a positive side to it. A large majority of the population seems to be mentally programmed to pay attention to the negative side of life and unfortunately, ignore the positive. Make a decision right now that, regardless of what happens today, you are going to look for the positive aspect of what’s happening. Remember… every cloud has a silver lining. Do this again tomorrow and the next day until it becomes a habit to see the positive in everything. You will feel better, you will be more productive, and you will have more friends.

Bob Proctor

Bob Proctor is right, of course. We seem to be a society firmly entrenched in the “glass is half empty” approach to life. What’s funny to me is that whenever I challenge a person not to “awfulize” about how terrible the future is going to be, I inevitably get some variation on the answer: “I’m just being realistic!”

Look at that glass again. You can realistically say that it is half-empty, but it is equally realistic to say that it is half-full.

When I read the above quote, my first reaction was: “easier said than done.” Almost immediately, I realized that our wonderful tool, EFT can make it a lot easier to see the positive side of things.

Since most of us seem to be hard-wired to go for the negative, it can seem to be almost impossible to shift gears. With tapping, you get to complain all you want while you tap away the fears, doubts, and insecurities that keep you away from the positive aspects of any situation.

Here’s a Bundling Baggage example for the holidays. (Bundling Baggage is an advanced EFT technique developed by Master Practitioner, Lindsay Kenny that takes a general recurring life theme and allows the person to express different aspects on each tapping point. It can be a wonderful shortcut for getting rid of on-going negative expectations).

I have worked with many clients who “hate the entire holiday season.” Some people extend that time period from Thanksgiving all the way through Valentine’s Day. We start by allowing the person to vent on and on about how awful this holiday is going to be:

(Karate Chop; Eye Brow; Side of Eye; Under Eye; Chin; Collar Bone; Under Arm; Under Breast; Wrists; Top of Head).

After just a few rounds of exaggerating all the anticipated doom and gloom about the holidays, most people are able to laugh at themselves and lighten up a little. Then, it becomes very easy for the person to suddenly see the half-full glass. Then, all the positive aspects can come bubbling up to the surface.

I wish you and yours a very happy, full-glass holiday.

Don’t forget to call or e-mail me to purchase your half price EFT gift certificates for any of your stressed out friends: 773-880-5492 or kiya@eft-tap.com.

Blessings,

Kiya

It’s so easy to focus all the attention for Thanksgiving on turkey, cranberries, and football. All my life, it has been my very favorite holiday. When I was young, my extended family would meet and share food, laughter and stories.

Now that an entire older generation of my family has died, none of the holidays feel the same and I’m thinking of ways to reclaim them in a new way.

One thing I’ve talked about for years is putting the THANKS back in Thanksgiving. I know that asking people around the table to tell what they are thankful for often brings dirty looks—people are embarrassed to share that kind of intimate information, especially in a group.

The funny thing is that it would probably be easy for any group to go around and say what they are NOT thankful for. I can picture a table of relatives and friends of all ages going around and saying:

Silly examples, but I hear strangers on an elevator say things like: What a gloomy day! Cold enough for you? Hot enough for you?

I love to compliment people on elevators: great tie; beautiful necklace you’re wearing; what a beautiful baby. I always get a smile, and I feel good and so do they. Recently, I saw a man on the street wearing an old faded t-shirt. When I got closer, I saw that the faces of all of the famous cartoon heroes were displayed on the shirt. I genuinely meant it when I said: What a cool shirt!

He thanked me and walked away. I wondered if that might have been the only nice thing that anyone said to him in quite awhile.

If you tend to be “hard-wired” for negative thinking, I know that tapping can help cut that wire (or at least get it frayed a little). I suggest starting with the negative. I sometimes tell my clients that they can complain all they want, as long as they tap while they do it. On each tapping point, they get to “awful-ize” their present situation. I encourage them to get very whiney and petty and exaggerate as much as they want. We’ll use the teenage “Nancy” as an example:

When Nancy runs out of things to complain about, I’d go back over the list with her and make it much worse:

Inevitably, as I encourage someone like Nancy to complain all she wants in more and more absurd ways, her mood would tend to lighten and she might even laugh at herself and say: You know, my family isn’t that bad.

Then, and only then, I might suggest a round of what you are grateful for. It wouldn’t work to start that way, but after fully venting the negative feelings, some more positive stuff tends to bubble up to the surface.

I discovered this by accident when I tried out a technique I developed called Revenge Tapping©. One client was so furious with her ex-husband that she couldn’t wait to tap on all the awful things she would do to him (in fantasy, of course). Surprisingly, after only one round of tapping on the fantasy of kicking him, spitting on him, and emptying out his bank account, she stopped and began to cry.

Suddenly, she felt very sorry for him and began to talk about the fact that he was a good father and very successful in his business. She started making excuses for his bad behavior and even remembered some times when she really loved him.

So, eat great food and hang out with good people on Thanksgiving and when you are alone, tap away all the negativity and tap on what you are grateful for: I’m grateful for the red and yellow leaves out my window; I’m grateful for hot fudge sundaes; I’m grateful for the cute things my friend’s grandson says; I’m grateful for friends who enjoy being silly; I’m grateful for friends who like me even when I don’t like myself; I’m grateful for puppies and kittens, etc.

If you can, take a gratitude break every day. It can be just a moment or two when you let go of all the things that “suck” in your life and celebrate the things (however small) that make you smile.

Happy November.

Blessings,

Kiya

I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations.
I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace
rally, I’ll be there.
- Mother Teresa

I agree with Mother Teresa. I think it makes a lot more sense to dedicate a month to the awareness of breast health, rather than breast cancer. Sometimes people I train get confused when there seems to be so much emphasis on the negative emotions when it comes to tapping.

Here is the explanation. So often, I work with people who develop an on-going script about their problems: I am very insecure; I don’t fit in anywhere; my life sucks; I’m too old (or too fat or too terminally unique) to find a partner, etc.

The person may repeat these negative opinions repeatedly every day to themselves and to other people. Then, the negative phrase is deeply imbeded in the psyche to the point that the person believes that these negative self-talk statements actually define who they are.

Rather than ignore the negative self-talk, tapping encourages you to repeat the negative statement while tapping so that you can move in the direction of resolution. If we ignore the negative statement, it will fester just underneath the surface. I believe it is the main reason why simple affirmations never seem to work.

If I believe that I am an insecure person and tell myself that is the case, then I will zero in on every occasion when I feel that way as absolute proof that it is “true.” If I repeat the affirmation over and over again: I am a self-assured, confident person, my mind will say right back: No, you’re not!

With tapping, I say the phrase I am very insecure about all kinds of things while I am letting go of the energy connected to the phrase. Then, and only then, can I begin to interject the positive alternative and my subconscious mind will accept it.

For instance, I could say three times on the Karate Chop point: I am very insecure about meeting Lucille for dinner because I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing to say and it makes me feel afraid, inadequate, and tongue-tied. I would measure the intensity of each of those feelings and then come up with a positive statement: Even though —- I have this problem—-and it makes me feel—————, I accept myself anyway.

Then on each tapping point, I can express my insecurities until they begin to fall away. If I said originally that my fear was a “9,” I can check in after several rounds and ask myself: is my fear still a “9?” If the number has moved down, I will keep tapping until I get to a “zero.”

Then, affirmations will actually begin to work because the subconscious will no longer fight the positive statement. I can now say: I am a self-assured, confident person and I will easily have a good conversation with Lucille at dinner.

So, in general for the month of October, I suggest proclaiming the positive name “Breast Health Awareness Month,” while at the same time, be sure to tap away any fears or concerns that come up for you.

During October, remember that any cancer survivor who contacts me is entitled to a free 15 minute consultation and 2 sessions for the price of one.

Contact Kiya at (773) 880-5492 or email me

I met with a delightful woman the other day who was very poetic with her language. She was talking about a friend who died suddenly, and she was telling me what a wonderful person he was: how much he loved life and celebrated every moment, and what an inspiration he was. She said that she would love to be more like him.

“He spread joy wherever he went. You know, he was filled with ‘Sacred Sauce!’”

“’Sacred Sauce’? Where did you get that expression?” I asked.

She said: “I just made it up! Feel free to use it.”

I just love the idea that when we are truly alive and showing up for life that we are filled with “sacred sauce!” Wouldn’t it be wonderful to simply set aside whatever troubles that came up since Fall 2010, and start fresh. If we aren’t dwelling on the anger and hurt and disappointment of the past, there is no blockage and the flow of “sacred sauce” is easy and effortless.

You might be familiar with a Yiddish word that has slipped into the English vernacular. The word is: “kvetch” and it means complaining about life over and over again. With the help of wonderful techniques that I learned from my friend and mentor, Lindsay Kenny, I have come up with a variation of one of Lindsay’s techniques that I call: “Kvetch Tapping.” In order to get to the freedom of flowing with your “Sacred Sauce,” you may very well need to give voice to all the negative statements floating around in your head.

For example, I was working with a client I’ll call “Mary” who was very depressed. Her head was filled with very negative thoughts about herself and life in general. With traditional counseling, I usually encourage a person to substitute more positive statements for the negative thoughts. In this case, the negative thoughts were so pervasive that my client needed to vent her negative feelings before we could move on.

I told “Mary” that she could “kvetch” and complain all she wanted, as long as she tapped while she did it. So, we set up the general statement that “Life Sucks,” and I encouraged Mary to come up with every negative statement she could think of that would support that statement.

KC: (3X) Even though Life Sucks and I feel frightened, depressed and filled with hopelessness, I am willing to accept the possibility that I might learn to accept myself anyway.

EB: I can barely get out of bed in the morning.

SE: I can’t do my job.

UE: I don’t know how to make it through the day.

UN: I hate my life.

Ch: I’m afraid my friends are getting tired of me.

CB: I’m afraid to be alone.

UA: I don’t think I’ll ever feel better.

RC: I can’t sleep.

WR: My life sucks.

TH: My life really sucks!

After several rounds of constant “kvetching,” Mary began to see some humor and absurdity in her situation. After she evened out her energy, she was able to insert more and more positive statements.

EB: The weather is beautiful.

SE: I have great friends who support me.

UE: I played with a cute puppy today.

UN: I got a nice compliment from a stranger today.

Ch: All I have to do is make it through today.

CB: I’m learning to enjoy my own company.

UA: I know I will feel better soon.

RC: I choose to sleep like a baby.

WR: My life doesn’t suck at all.

TH: My life is good!

So, go ahead, do some “kvetch” tapping, but don’t forget to add positive statements at the end after the negative statements have been neutralized.

And don’t forget, if you happen to be in the Chicago area, our next Borrowing Benefits EFT Tapping Group will be held on the last Sunday of the month, September 25, 2011 from 3 to 4:30 PM on the north side of Chicago. Call or e-mail Kiya for more details and to reserve your space: (773) 880-5492 or email